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I told her that I wanted to look attractive for grandpa. She said, “I think you failed.”

Checking my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I looked like a huge salami stuffed into a hot dog bun. Jim laughed so hard he fell over and sprained his ankle. With a twinkle in his eye he said, “Mari, what’s to eat, you’re making me hungry.”

I wanted to give him something to eat all right, a knuckle sandwich. But as the woman of his dreams, I made him a hamburger just the way he liked it.


Deciding to test my outfit in public, I took a stroll around the subdivision. Never had I heard so much laughter coming from the open windows. Some neighbors came out and asked me what kind of occasion had me decked out like the town idiot.


When telling them my plan to change the way the youth dressed, they asked me where I purchased such a horrible outfit. I told them Jim made the blouse, the neighbors then put in orders for Jim unbeknownst to him.


When Jim came home from his two hour daily walk, I handed him twenty plus orders for him to fulfill before Halloween. Now all that’s left for me to do is make sure that Wal-Mart still carries 40 of those blouses so I can start cutting them in half.


That evening in one of my vivid dreams, all of our neighbors and friends decided to wear the outfits that Jim concocted to Green Valley Park for a summer concert. It helps to travel in large groups dressed like we did, safety in numbers we’ve been told.


Clad in our array, a young blond girl shouted out to her mother “Mommy, did the circus come to Payson? I think I just found the freaky lady.”


I turned around curious to see her choice and beheld her finger pointed straight at me.


Waking up from that nightmare, I decided to drop my plans to try and change the way kids dress. Fifty years down the road their Grandchildren will view family pictures and fall down laughing at the hilarious style of dress worn by today’s youth.