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The Day Ralph Quit Drinking

By Elton Mellum



In a dream Ralph saw the grim reaper riding

While he was still busy hiding

And the camp fire finally went out

While Ralph thought he was dead without a doubt


Slowly he opened one red eye

But, it was still too early to die

The morning sun exploded in his head

And he reconsidered not being dead


Earlier that day he’d got a deer

And stopped at the bar to get a beer

There he found Aaron and Lou

Celebrating because they’d got one too


Well one beer led to another

And then came in Lou’s brother

And He too had had some luck

For he’d shot a twelve prong buck


This is when things went really wrong

They decided to drink one for each prong

So Joe was busy pouring beer

As they drank each down with a loud cheer


Later on about midnight

 They were all getting plenty tight

The sheriff came and took their keys

And refused to listen to their pleas


So they were left to walk home

Finally Ralph took off all alone

For it was only two blocks for him

But soon he atoned for his sin


He awoke with something hard beside his head

He squinted at the stone that said

Here lies Albert Moore

Deceased in nineteen fifty four


He was suddenly wide awake

And his whole body began to shake

All of this was plenty scary

When he realized he was in the cemetery


The grave digger saw him there

And thought to give him a another scare

Ralph are you really alright

I thought I buried you last night


Ralph’s eyes almost leaped out of his head

Holy cow had he been dead

With that growing sense of doubt

Ralph lay back down and passed out


You are right in what you’re thinking

That was the day Ralph quit drinkin